Life & Suicide

I never understood how people could take their own lives. Their lives may be hard, but is there really something that could happen that could make a person give up living?

           

A friend of mine committed suicide. I wish that I could say that we were best friends, but we weren't  I wish that I could say that we were closer before she passed away, but all that I really remember from that time is that we never really talked. I wish that we would have.

I've written about her before, not on this blog, but I have. Today, new feelings arose. I was going through my emails. I’m 99% sure that I have slight OCD, so all my emails are arranged alphabetically into folders of the name of the person who sent them. The only emails that I delete are junk mail emails. I don’t think I've ever deleted an email from a person that I know.

Anyways, I was reading through emails and I came across some from this friend. She passed away last October, and up until today I hadn't thought about her in a while. The emails were casual, we talked about boys and having a sleepover, and I just broke down. There are tears streaming down my face as I write this.

           

Blogging helps me to find a sense of reality. I know that she’s gone now, and I can’t bring her back, no matter how much I want to. But I miss her so much.

Life & School

Normally I don't share very many secrets on the internet, as it's very risky, but this time I'm going to make an exception.
As you guys know, I love the write. I write on sites, I blog, I write in English, I write for fun. I've been writing for as long as I can remember, so writing comes very easily to me. Of course, I am always new things about writing, and I'm sure that I will be for the rest of my life. However, I finally feel as though I am at a point in my life where my writing is getting pretty damn near where I want it to be.
Anyways, a few weeks ago, we got assigned to write a short story in English. Of course, I finished mine right away and handed it in. But my teacher isn't really very strict on the deadlines, so a lot of my classmates didn't finish. After I handed mine in, one of my classmates asked me to help me out with his story.
Well, one thing lead to another and eventually he offered to pay me to write his story. (First writing gig ever!) And... I took the offer.

I just finished his story today, and I'm actually pretty proud of it. He said that he liked it, and I get a little bit of a money bonus if the mark of the story is over 80. (Which I think it will be)

Now I'm not trying to share this to brag or anything like that, but it was something that I just decided to post today.

By the way, to anyone who reads this blog regularly, I've been feeling way better these days. I still want weed, but I'm trying to control that urge. At least for now.

& Tomorrow is Friday!

Life & Drugs

Back-Story

So before I go really deep into the whole drugs thing, I just want to give you readers a little bit of a back-story as to why I'm writing about drugs.

Let me just start off by saying that I am pro-marijuana legalization. I think that marijuana would help the economy, and that it isn't as bad for you as some of the other (legal) drugs out there -like alcohol!

Anyways, yesterday was a really hard day for me. I'm not sure what made exactly made it hard per-say, but I guess that it was just a lot of things built up over time. I was missing my ex, I hurt my ankle over the weekend, I just found out that my cousins girlfriend doesn't want me to sing for their wedding, I messed up my computer by deleting some vital software, and I had also been listening to depressing music all day and basically I was just feeling super shitty.

Further Back Back-Story

Anyways, prior to yesterday, my best friend and I had been looking for a way to get weed. We live in a small town, so we were just trying to think of as many potheads as we could to see if we could somehow get access to a joint or two. One of my other friends (I've mentioned him in the blog before) does weed very openly, but he moved away a few weeks ago. Anyhow, my best friend wanted to make sure that it was okay with her boyfriend that she did weed, and apparently he's very against it. (And even after a long debate with him, I'm still not entirely sure why!) So she said she wasn't going to do it with me, and at this point I was just feeling very down on myself and just wanted weed! But I still had the issue that I didn't know who to get it from!

What Happened Yesterday

Instead, I went for a long walk (As suggested by my best-friend's boyfriend) On the walk, I listened to even more depressing music (Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran, and all that other mellow soft acoustic stuff) and I just started breaking down. I started remembering all of the things that my ex and I did together, and I just started wishing that we could have stayed together. On top of all this, I had all these other previously mentioned issues. Needless to stay, I probably cried on 4 different occasions yesterday.

Today

And now you're probably wondering why I'm even writing about this right now. Well, I just wanted to say that I am feeling better today. 

The point of this post isn't to talk anyone out of doing drugs or anything like that. The point of this post was just to tell you that no matter how hard it may seem, you can always get through it. I was at a low point in my life yesterday, and I may not get to a really high point for a while, but I'll get through it. 

Honestly, I still want weed. But I don't want it for the reasons that I wanted it yesterday. I don't want to start using it to feel better, or to feel less stressed. I just want it to be for fun, just like I would use alcohol. I think that as soon as I start using weed as a stress reliever, I will start to rely on it, and that wouldn't be good.

(By the way, although most of you probably know this, weed is not physically addicting, but it can by psychologically addicting. Just be careful and don't use it for the wrong reasons!)

Drugs

A lot of drugs are physically addicting, and I know that I want to lead a better life than that. I don't want to be just another statistic, I want to make a life and a name for myself.

So just in case any of you readers are concerned, I'm not going to start shooting up heroin or anything like that.

But I've done my research on weed, and I still don't discourage the idea.

However, I want it to be my recreational weed, not my stress-reliever weed.

Life & 4.0

I live in Canada, so we don't measure grades in "grade point averages"

Nevertheless, I started to tell people that I had a 4.0 GPA. (Which, for those who don't know, is the highest grade point average you can have, and consists of your overall average being above 90%)

Anyways, it really caught on, and now everyone calls me that.

And I love it.

Life & Your Body Is A Wonderland

I'm sure you are all familiar with the song "Your Body Is A Wonderland" by John Mayer (unless you happen to be living under a rock), but a song that you may not be so familiar with is the song "When The Right One Comes Along" by The Striking Matches.

I love this song.

Speaking of love, my cousin is apparently getting married in June. Now, readers, I know that you don't know him or his girlfriend, but I think that he's making a mistake. It's hard to say, because I don't really know either one of them, and they have a child together, but I just don't think that it's meant to be.

I like to believe in concepts such as "fate" and "destiny", and I'm pretty sure I'm destined to marry a hot Australian man. (Although I wouldn't be against other options.)

I don't know exactly why I called this post what I called it, mostly because I was listening to that song at the time, I guess. Now I'm listening to an Indian song called "Rab Kare"
To ANYONE that is even REMOTELY interested in Indian culture, check that one out.
I'm considering watching the movie: Mujhse Shaadi Karogi

In English, that's "Will You Marry Me?", and it's the movie that the song 'Rab Kare' comes from.

Anyways, enough about Indian culture.

I was considering being a doctor when I grow up. Not only is it an AMAZING salary, but biology is a topic that I find to be interesting.

I don't know how much I will enjoy it though. The stress level of most doctors is far beyond the stress level of other well-paying careers, such as dentistry. My best friend wants to be a dentist, and of course, I had to one up her.

Life & Culture

Lately, I've fallen in love with Indian culture.


















I just love everything about. I love the dancing, the traditions, the music, the language, the scenery, etc.

Now, I have never been to it, but my English teacher constantly talks about his trip there and what a great experience it was. Up until now, I haven't listened.

But now I definitely want to go there. I still want to go to Australia and Italy, of course, but I also want to go to the foreign places with new experiences, like India, Brazil, China, etc.

Anyways, that was my inspiration to blog today, because I wanted to encourage people to do their own research on India.

The only thing I worry about is the safety. Of course, I live in Canada, so I take some things (such as respect for women) for granted. I know that respect for women is not something that all countries believe in, and with the latest stories about India, I just feel like I would want to wait until I could go with someone.

Maybe one day, after I've finished getting a post-secondary education, I will travel to places like India. Man, I would love that so much. I need to experience something besides my own country.

I've been to Mexico, but only just past the border. It was very different than what I'm used to though. In Canada I just accept the prices that are given, but in other countries they haggle. I would also like to break out of eating the typical Canadian/American foods, like cheeseburgers and pizza.

And besides all that, I would love to do some sight-seeing.

My mom told me that our family will be going to B.C. this summer, which is exciting, but not as exciting as another country would be.

Life And Jobs

On Friday, I got fired from my job.

For those of you that haven't faithfully read my blog, I will give you a quick refresher. I (used to) work at a restaurant as a waitress. 

I don't want to go into too much detail about it, but basically I had a co-worker (One of the cooks) that I didn't exactly get along with, and there was one night where I guess I just pushed him over the edge, and now I no longer have a job. 

Anyways, I'm not going to spend too much time complaining about what happened, because I don't feel like going into a lot of detail with it. But now I have to search for a new job in a small town. 

To anyone that has read any of my previous posts, perhaps you've gotten the hint that I have amazing confidence, so I'm not too worried about finding a new job. I am planning to go out and hand out my resume in the next week or so. 

I haven't written on this as much as I'd like to, so I may do 1-2 more posts today.